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The 6 Hour Project

I could have titled this “Why Are You Such An Idiot That You Put All This Off Until 6 Hours Before Your Family Arrives” but that seemed a little wordy.  So, my Uncle and Aunt are driving down from Maryland today and true to my procrastinating nature, I have put off cleaning my house all week until….um…now.  Before I met Abram and had kids, my living space would NEVER have looked the way it frequently does now for more than a day.  I hate clutter and mess and tripping stepping over stuff.  But having a toddler and a 7 month old quickly changes your priorities.

But back to my project.  I have roughly T-minus 6 hours until my family arrives and this is what I’m working with:

And my incredibly adept team of helpers????

So, 6 hours from now I will take photos again and we’ll see how much one Mommy can get done with a 2 1/2 year old and a 7 month old while fitting in quick meals for all and a shower for her (by then) desperately needing self. Wish me luck.

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No, i’m not bragging about my kids. Although I am super awesome for making them too. But in this instance I’m referring to my little attempt at DIYing something for Charlotte’s room. And there were a bunch of little components to her room and it’s still not complete because…um…I had another baby and feeling fat and useless and like I’ve taken NyQuil all the time isn’t conducive to getting all the shit done that I have planned.

Onward.

Little project #1 — Charlotte’s Chalkboard Table

First of all, the whole shebang was my Mom’s when she was little, and my Grandfather made it by hand. Then of course it was passed down to me when I was little and then I grew up to be a completely manageable and obedient teenager and decided the family heirloom really needed a decoupage makeover with all my favorite (at the time — don’t shun me) band CD covers. I rocked. Can’t you tell? So, fast forward 15 years and I once again have the table and chairs (and shame) and want to give them to my daughter. Honestly, I researched removing the decoupage and it sounded harder than I was ready for at 8 months pregnant, so I decided to cover it in fabric. But not just ANY fabric — Chalkboard fabric! Genius right?!

I don’t honestly think I came up with anything new here — but for the cost of a can of bright turquoise spray paint ($5) and a yard of chalkcloth ($10) I had a table that entertains her for hours! All I did was spray paint it and let it dry overnight and then stapled the chalkcloth to it with heavy duty staples. Follow the instructions for “curing” the chalkcloth and your done. Easy peasy.

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So, I have a son now. It’s taken me the 7 weeks since he was born to find the right way to express how I feel about being a Mom again. I would like to write about the birth and all that, but it was really boring as births go. It was much easier than Charlotte and I really only pushed a couple of times before he slid out on his own. He was 9lbs 2oz — big, but still lighter than Charlotte was by 8oz. He’s beautiful, and sweet, and healthy.

I had these delusions of how having another baby would be — challenging, but totally do-able. I’d morph into super Mom and be able to keep my house clean and organized while still playing with Charlotte and breastfeeding my little boy on a perfect schedule. I’d go for walks with the kids and do projects with Charlotte. I’d be blissfully wrapped up in being a Mommy.

It’s not like that at all. I feel terrible for feeling like I miss having just one kid but some days, like yesterday, I feel so overwhelmed and fed up that I want to cry and punch something all at the same time.

Not getting a shower for 3-4 days
Picking up shitty diapers the dogs have chewed
Realizing that I can’t breastfeed because I’m too lazy/selfish/emotionally defective
Not knowing why Owen won’t stop crying and just SLEEP
Wanting a nice healthy breakfast but only drinking coffee and water until Abram gets home from work
Watching the laundry pile up
Watching the bills pile up
The stretch marks aren’t magically invisible
Missing the closeness with your husband

blah

It’s just nothing like fantasy I had in my head. I know I probably built all this up while I was pregnant…how everything would just fall into place and I’d get it. “IT” — being this supermom. But I’m failing and it sucks.

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image Why Me by rosiehardy via Flickr

Abram left on his business trip to Alabama yesterday and while I always know he’ll be back before I know it, this time I knew it would be different since I’m not out of the house at work (distracted) for 8 hours a day.  The first night always sucks the most.  Getting ready for bed after I lay Charlotte down kind of freaks me out a little when Abram isn’t here.  I go through locking up the house in a much more paranoid way, which is silly when I think about it since Abram isn’t bionic or anything and couldn’t do much more than I could if someone actually really broke in or something.  Of course, he could serve as the distraction for Charlotte and I to escape, but that’s morbid and I hate thinking of it like that…but yes…knowing my husband would sacrifice himself as cannon fodder for whatever crazed ax murderer that breaks in helps me sleep better at night. Sue me.

I shower faster, not liking that I can’t hear any noises out in the house, I make sure the dogs are in the bed with me, and even leave extra random lights on around the house.  Oh, and I swapped out the cheap-o alarm clock with one that has a radio so I could hear someone else alive and talking as I tried to fall asleep.  And the bathroom light stays on, door cracked, you know, so I don’t trip in the middle of the night.  Riiight.

I’m really not this much of a wuss normally.  It’s only since becoming a mom that I’ve gotten more and more cautious.  I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve laid awake, even with Abram next to me, thinking about the fastest escape route from a psycho or what I can easily reach for to use as a weapon in an emergency.  Can you tell I’ve watched too many horror movies?  Typing it out makes it seem more OCD than I realized, but I can’t help it.

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